


I'm Too Scared To Say I Love You

by foroikawa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Best Friends, Confessions, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Falling In Love, Fireworks, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Miya Atsumu Needs a Hug, Mutual Pining, New Year's Eve, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, atsumu is super understanding, sakusa is a simp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:56:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28834518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foroikawa/pseuds/foroikawa
Summary: Kiyoomi describes how to felt to fall in love and why he would do it all over again for Miya Atsumu.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 76





	I'm Too Scared To Say I Love You

I always thought that falling in love was unrealistic and that it was only something that happened in the movies. That no one could meet someone that made them happy and accepted them for who they are. I never felt that I would ever be appreciated and loved the way I was and that I was made to be alone. 

Everyone around me always expected me to change or wanted me to, even my cousin Komori, who at times I noticed even him getting annoyed at my habits and actions. Of course if I could help it I would especially after seeing how it ruined my family. My mother blamed my father and he blamed her. My sisters tried to help me as much as they could and but at the end of the day no amount of love could counter the sound of my parents shouting because their son “isn’t normal”. However I blamed myself. For their divorce. For my germophobic tendencies. For my depression that came during high school. For losing my friends because I was “too difficult to work with”. I thought that I was destined to be alone because no one could put up with me. 

That all changed when I met Miya Atsumu. 

It was during the all japan training camp during my second year at high school. He was like a breath of fresh air. At first he was confused by what mysophobia was and when he suddenly put a lot of space between us and quickly left I thought that I had simply made another person uncomfortable however the next day he came up to me and declared that he would try his very hardest to respect my boundaries. I was shocked. Not only had he gone through the time and effect of researching but he still wanted to befriend me even after he knew that I didn’t like germs, he respected that and not a lot of people did. His words precisely were “If you can still spike the balls I set to ya then I don’t see a problem” 

I first realised my feelings for Atsumu during our second year at college. He was very accepting of me and he was the main reason I began to go to therapy. He wanted me to be able to live more comfortably but be didn’t want me to change my ways to make him more comfortable but to make me comfortable. Over the years Atsumu changed for me though, when we first shared a room at training camp he was really messy and his personal hygiene was the bare minimum. However now he makes sure his space is always clean so I’m comfortable in our dorm. Now he smells really really good. Like super good. Ridiculously good. 

Due to me seeing how clean he really is it gave me peace so i began to be comfortable with Atsumu and do things with Atsumu that I had never tried with anyone expect my therapist. The first time I lay my head on his shoulder while we were watching a movie, he froze in disbelief. He looked ridiculously happy. So happy I wondered if something else had happened as well but no he was just happy that he finally was being allowed to see a new part of me. I always wanted to tell him how I felt. The whole thing was so cliché. We were best friends and I was pining badly but I was scared to confess in case I ruined our friendship. However when you’re actually in that position it’s completely different, because if I lost Atsumu, my best friend, my confidant, my roommate, my teammate, my favourite person, I would have no idea what I’d do.

I remember constantly thinking: “I’m too scared to say I love you.” 

-

Atsumu was always the most forward person in our friendship so when he took the lead and asked me out in our final year of college, I wasn’t surprised that I couldn’t get the confidence to do it first. I was surprised that he felt that same way. He had it all planned out and had wanted me to see the firework display on new years but he knew I was gonna be uncomfortable with the amount of people that go every year. I had thought he had given up and that we were just gonna watch it on the tv like we always do. Until he said that he found “a place” and dragged me up a hill and where we had a perfect view of the city. 

When we finally got there at around 11PM, it was completely empty, and there was no place to sit so he put his jacket on the ground under a Kousa Dogwood tree. He told me I could sit on it if I wanted to, which I did. He laid his head on my lap and I fought back the urge to run my hands through his hair. We were just talking about anything and everything. When the fireworks went off I remember just being lost for words, the scenery was so beautiful. Atsumu face lit up and he looked absolutely flawless. 

A smile creeped onto my face as I looked at him, missing most of the display but I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Then our eyes met and he gave me the biggest smile and the best thing was that it was completely genuine however behind the smile I saw worry and uncertainty. I asked him “What’s wrong?”. When he responded with “No matter what I say, can you promise me that we’ll still be friends.” At that moment I couldn’t think of one thing that Atsumu could say that would make me walk away so I nodded. Out of all the things I thought that Atsumu might have said then I never thought that it would have been a confession. All those years of helplessly pining for my best friend, I never once thought that it maybe he felt the same way. 

I just stared at him, completely stunned, him telling me that “I was the only person who knew him properly and still accepted him” and that “he knew he liked me since our first year in college but he thinks that he had liked me since high school and just hadn’t realised it” was everything that I wanted to hear but I never prepared myself for it to actually happen. Imagine the person that you thought didn’t love you back saying “that they thought that they could deal with being just friends but they couldn’t” or that “they hope that you feel the same way”. I didn’t know how to respond, how do you respond to your crush confessing to you? 

Atsumu had looked down and begun to fidget with his hands. He said “You don’t have to pretend to like me back if you don’t.” he put on a fake smile and forced a laugh. “I’m a big boy I can take a rejection”. He met my gaze again and this time I saw the tears and I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. From that day onwards I promised to myself that I would never make him cry again. In the spare of the moment, I kissed him. It was only a peck and I had no idea what I was doing (it wasn’t like I had ever done it before) but he still blushed all the same. I quickly wiped his tears with my hands then buried my face in his neck and whispered “I love you too”. Once the words left my mouth, I realised that it was never as scary and I made it out to be. The night was perfect, sure, I didn’t get to say what I felt but even so I was finally with the love of my life and that was everything I needed and more. 

-

If only I could see the look on 15 year old Sakusa’s face, if someone told him that in fifteen years time, that he would be happily married to Miya Atsumu. Someone who accepts him for who he is, who loves him unconditionally, who never asks him to change and who will do just about anything for him. Being completely honest, loving him was scary. Giving someone 110% of myself was terrifying. Letting myself rely on him was something I thought was impossible. The tears, the pain and hard times were tough. But when I wake up next to Atsumu, and I see the love marks littering his collarbones that I was allowed to leave the night before, his disheveled blonde hair and the ring on his finger engraved with a little K in it. It all feels worth it. 

So I, Miya Kiyoomi, will wholeheartedly say that loving someone is worth it and from this day and till the day I die, I will love Miya Atsumu because I’m not scared to love you anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Please be safe and wear your masks, I hope you and your families stay safe during this time. Keep social distancing and hopefully it will past soon. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed the fic! It made me really soft. I really dislike how mean some people make Sakusa and Atsumu when I don't think that's canon at all, so I wanted to make a fic to appreciate Astumu Miya and how amazing he truly is. 
> 
> Comment if you liked it because I love to see those, they really brighten my day! If you want to leave a kudos or a bookmark, I'll be very thankful.


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